Heartbroken. Terminating on Sat due to HG/medical issues

Help with physical and emotional healing for moms who have suffered loss.

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Re: Heartbroken. Terminating on Sat due to HG/medical issues

Postby Seren » Feb 27, 2014 5:11 pm

Hi Cinderella,
Just thought I'd drop by and see how you're doing? Hope you're recovering as best you can.
Seren x
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Re: Heartbroken. Terminating on Sat due to HG/medical issues

Postby stanfordash » Mar 12, 2014 4:03 pm

I am heartbroken for what you have been through. Termination due to HG is an especially terrible way to lose a baby because even though you are a victim, you end up feeling like a villain. I am very sure that you did what you had to do to protect yourself.

I had to terminate a pregnancy due to HG last year. I was fine for the first four days and then the hormones came crashing down and I dissolved. I felt like I couldn't ever forgive myself or move forward. I cried nonstop the first few weeks, and I have cried at least once almost every day since. But it does get better. You have to cling to the knowledge that you did the right thing and the best you could at the time. Anti-depressants (Zoloft is great) help to make it through the worst of it.

We are now pursuing surrogacy and our thoughts are looking forward instead of backward. We who have been through this will always grieve the loss of these precious children, but we will all have our share of happiness in some way, too.

Lots of love and prayers,

Stanfordash
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Re: Heartbroken. Terminating on Sat due to HG/medical issues

Postby Seren » Mar 12, 2014 5:54 pm

Hi there,
Thank you for taking the time to write to me and sharing your story and kind words, this means such a lot to me. It's been such a difficult time and it's only been 19 days, yet in some ways it feels like so much time has passed. It was so scary how quickly the hormones depleted, almost like a switch being turned off and then reality being turned on, but something that really helped me and is still helping me, is that I chose to write as much as I could down. This was difficult at the time as I was incredibly sick, but I really wanted to have an account of just how I bad, desperate, exhausted, sick and how I felt like I was at "deaths door" to read back to myself, because I was so afraid that those memories would diminish quickly and I wouldn't be able to understand why I did what I did.

I'm not sure how we will proceed with our dreams now, which is quite a scary thought. I even said today that "this has always been my life plan and I don't see another road intended for me other than motherhood" but I'm sure over time and when I recover I will arrive at the right path. I have an appointment next month with a hormone specialist to see if he can help me. They have told me I need to wait at least 3 months for my cycle to get back to normal and for my heart to return to it's normal size, as I had other medical complications on top of HG which contributed to the horrendous choice we had to make. So I feel like there is some hope, but to be honest I'm pretty terrified about attempting this journey again.

I would love to keep in touch with you, so please pop by and keep me updated with your plans. It's such a lonely place to be sometimes and the one thing I've realised through all this horror, is that women are amazing, strong and wonderful beings.

Sending you lots of love, light, prayers and hope xx
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Re: Heartbroken. Terminating on Sat due to HG/medical issues

Postby Cinderella82 » Mar 13, 2014 7:25 am

Hey, iv not been doing so great, iv got a terrible anger inside that won't go away, every person that has done me wrong since, I have fought back, usually I'd just let people walk all over me.
My neighbour called me a murderer for what I had done, usually I'd just ignore that kind of sick comment, but it has really got to me.
I went to the doctors, 1st visit she wasn't interested in what I had to say, she just wanted to go home I think, totally dismissed what I was trying to say I'd been through, saying she had never heard of it. Next time I went I demanded some antidepressants. Then the last time I saw a totally different doctor, and she totally understood everything because she suffers with it too. Relief at last!
Still very angry though, far too much pressure from different people at the mo. Iv taken to hiding from people
Molar pregnancy 1998 removed at 14 weeks (named Jessie)
Daughter dob 27/06/00 normal pregnancy (Paige)
Termination 2001 through depression (angel baby)
Miscarriage beginning 2004 :'(
Daughter dob 17/10/04 hard pregnancy, unable to eat, very lethargic (possible start of HG!?)
Miscarriage October 2012 :'( broke my heart
HG pregnancy terminated at 7 weeks and 1 day, on 10/02/14. RIP Little poppyseed
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Re: Heartbroken. Terminating on Sat due to HG/medical issues

Postby stanfordash » Mar 13, 2014 8:31 am

Cinderella82, I've been there too. I had one gynecologist tell me he had never had anyone that sick from HG and that surely "morning sickness" couldn't have been that bad. Umm....sorry! Then there was the psychiatrist who told me that if I had only called her I wouldn't have had to terminate because she could have helped me through it. Wrong from a medical perspective, and not helpful emotionally. I tell most people that I "lost the pregnancy because of complications of hyperemesis gravidarum" instead of telling them I terminated the pregnancy. It's true and generally doesn't result in judgment. Anger is a normal part of grief, and you are grieving a terrible loss.

Seren, I'm glad you wrote down your experiences. I was saying to my husband just today that I wished I had taken pictures of myself during HG so I could look back at what it had done to me and remind myself that I made the right decision to protect myself and the child I already have. If you decide to try pregnancy again, you'll know what you're going into and be able to prepare yourself better. If you can't do it again, that's what surrogacy is for. It took us a long time to get comfortable with the idea of surrogacy but now we are pursuing it and it feels wonderful to know that we could have the family we're meant to have without making unthinkable personal sacrifices and putting our baby's life in jeopardy. My children safer in someone else's body than in mine, and I'm being a better mother by letting a surrogate carry them. I know we all want to carry our own babies; I had to cope with feelings of inadequacy when I realized I shouldn't do it again. But at least I can tell you from firsthand experience with my son that you're not missing anything if you decide not to go through a hyperemesis pregnancy--nine months of constant torture!

Try to put the future on hold right now and grieve the losses of the moment; it's horrible, but the only way out of grief is through it.

Praying for you both,

Stanfordash
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Re: Heartbroken. Terminating on Sat due to HG/medical issues

Postby Seren » Oct 05, 2014 6:58 pm

Hi,

I just wondered how you're getting on now? I would be due next week :cry: Sending love and hugs x
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Re: Heartbroken. Terminating on Sat due to HG/medical issues

Postby Loubee1 » Mar 10, 2016 4:30 pm

I don't know if you girls will see this, but I just wanted to say how your compassion for each other is helping me.
I had a termination in december and I'm devastated. I had HG with my first, bad but manageable. By this second pregnancy though I also have a disorder which means I have a tremor and convulsions, untreatable with medication. It was a surprise pregnancy and I was already wondering how I'd cope with the tremor - then the HG set in. I couldn't be still because of the tremor, and then when I was retching and retching it would set off convulsions . I was crawling to the bathroom, unable to stand without shaking.
My Mum and my BF both felt they couldn't cope with how ill it made me, and I couldn't look after my little girl. My Mum keeps telling me there's no shame in putting your health first when you have a child to care for, that she wished she'd videod me so I could see how violent the sickness and shaking were, and that no-one should have to be put through months of that. I agree with her, but I still feel so sad about it. I'm trying to let go of blaming myself now, because I don't believe that having a termination should ruin your life even if in hindsight you regret it. It's okay to let go of the guilt and shame and sadness, it isn't a disservice to your lost pregnancy and it doesn't make you a bad person. Frankly, we have all suffered enough and punishing yourself is crazy. There are a lot of nasty people out there who want to make women feel bad about this impossible choice, and I think it's good to have some solidarity between those of us who have actually been there.
I've been really surprised and heartened by how many christians have understood and told me God sees my suffering and grieves for it , and forgives me too. I assumed they would condemn and hate me. Don't think that everyone would judge you harshly, so many would understand and those that don't do not have the final word on who you are, which is a good person who has suffered.
Wishing you both peace
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Re: Heartbroken. Terminating on Sat due to HG/medical issues

Postby Seren » Mar 16, 2016 6:06 pm

Hello Loubee1,

It's Seren here, thank you for your kind words and lovely message. You're words are a huge comfort to me.
We ladies all understand the huge loss and grief that comes with this terrible situation and we also have the knowledge and empathy to help and support one another, which is a wonderful thing <3

I'm sorry you went through such a terrible time and I can see similarities in our experiences as we both have lifelong medical conditions alongside the HG which complicated things further. You did the best thing you could for yourself and your family and you can find strength in that.

Sending so much love to you and a hug

Seren x
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