I don't wanna know...

Discuss the triumph or heartache of not having more children, and the struggle to make that decision.

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I don't wanna know...

Postby toughluck » Apr 12, 2011 2:17 pm

Last night I talked to a dear friend of mine. He's special to me and we are as close as can be considering we're living on two different continents. I wish him all the best and all I would ever want is for him to be happy. Or so I thought...
He told me that his wife would like to have another baby, which would be no.6 (!!!) for them - and I kinda freaked out. I don't know what happened in my mind but I was just angry and sad and I don't know what else. Funnily enough I don't mind other people having babies if its their first or second.
I know I'm blessed to have two healthy boys and I also know that my husband has a hard time with two kids and its expensive and if I got pregnant again HG would be back in my life and DH would be bitching and moaning BUT (and yes, it's actually quite a big but)I love my kids so much and I'd just love to have a third or even a fourth. That being said I haven't forgotten about the pregnancies.
How do you get this wish for another child out of your head?
Bennet HG week 7-22 2/2008
Juri HG week 5/6 - 20 9/2010
Ida HG week 6 - ??? 10/ 2012
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Postby jarezuny » Apr 12, 2011 2:28 pm

I know what you mean - that sort of deep resentment that comes when I see women who have all these babies with such ease... It's a strange, dark feeling.

I try to remind myself that I am lucky to have my two kids (like you have done). I also try to focus on all the amazing things that I will be able to do with my kids as they get older and we have more freedoms, like with ease of travel and finances and such. With other babies continually on the way, such things wouldn't be possible.

I think it's natural to want to wish for more and relive those sweet baby days. It's times like that that help remind me to live in the moment and enjoy the ones I have right now!

Ugh - that all sounds way more optimistic than I actually feel about it most of the time. Usually I do it all a little more begrudgingly than that.

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Postby nekorachan » Apr 14, 2011 10:15 am

i made dh promise not to deny me a third if/when i ever feel like it, and i think that's what i needed...just the option of another. not saying i ever will, but having the option helps me ^-^
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Jared Constantine - 12/29/10

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Postby garnet » Apr 20, 2011 12:19 pm

I'm stopping with one, and I can't say I'm thrilled about knowing it.

I get really bitter at my super fluffy friends too. It's just so EASY for them. Another kid? Okay! One good friend is working on #3, but they've already planned out up to 5 I think... they are after a particular gender. Her pregnancies are barely a blip on her radar. Hearing her casually add more kids to their family in her plans is hard to take.

I wish there was a little more fairness in the world of HG.
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Postby DivineLotus » Apr 21, 2011 9:42 pm

When i see my DD i want to give her a baby brother or sis BUT then i also think about HG and the HELL it put me threw, my family, and my marriage. It has been one of the hardest things ive ever done in my life but not imposible.

I also see woman having kids left and right. As if they dont suffer and enjoy it. One particular 'thing' would be my husbands ex. She had two kids (didnt want them, was convinced to keep them) now shes expecting #3 from a married man whos marriage that she broke. That man has 3 children of his own. Now i think, was bringing that child into this world necissery. She broke a marriage and home to the other 3 children NOW she had the guts to have a #3. They 'hang out' on the weekends... seriously! what kind of life is that for these children. Not to mention the confusion coming from a broken home. They need stability... well... in my family at least.

That though, im not at all 'jelous' of. She has 3 illegitimate children to take care of. If she likes it that way... so be it. I dont care. The fact that she has them so easy, gets to drive (being on disability...bullshit), eats, takes care of the other ones... that on the outside is not fair.

If i was a fluffy i would most likely would get pregnant again in one year... but im not. So, if and maybe my husband would agree (financially also) to have another it will be after many years with DD. Im gonna dread the days when she askes if she can have a baby bro or sis. Oh God. :roll:
Second HG baby. 8/6/15
Treated with zofran, diclegis, compro, colace, jigsaw magnesium. HG 7 weeks - 17 weeks. Continued meds.

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Postby Cin » Apr 22, 2011 12:33 pm

This is a hard one. I understand the feelings, and yet I am one of those women with four kids.

Try not to beat yourself up about the feelings. Feelings are facts. It's OK to feel them. Then try to let them go.

Something that may help is to remember we don't always know someone's full story, and none of us know the future. Looking at my family, would anyone know I have to have C-sections due to a congential defect in my hips? Would you know my uterus is so badly scarred now another pg could be dangerous? And would you ever guess I've had two HG pgies? Never.

And none of us know whether our kids will live to adulthood, frankly.

So feel it, and let it go -- don't feel guilty about it.

Much love.
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Isaac, 10 -- NVP
Naomi, 8 -- HG
Edward, 4 -- avoided clinical HG through aggressive pre-emptive treatment and pure luck (aka medicated fluffy)
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