Today I would have celebrated my baby's first birthday...

Help with physical and emotional healing for moms who have suffered loss.

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Today I would have celebrated my baby's first birthday...

Postby Nina19 » Feb 20, 2016 4:39 pm

No matter what I do, how hard I try, how busy I am... the reality is right there every day. I try to hide from it, ignore it, put on a brave face and bright smile, but inside I just can't seem to pick up the pieces or piece my broken soul back together again...

The hardest part today was having the acute sense of what the significance of this date was... and not being able to share the heartache with anyone. Because they just don't get it. And how could they? Not only can they not begin to comprehend the unimaginable monster that is HG... they do not know the true extent of the horror of my loss. They think it was "just a miscarriage" and therefore "nature's way". The unintentional callousness that this response displays to any mother who has suffered a loss is bad enough. Imagine the judgement and cruelty if they knew I was the one who terminated my pregnancy? The fact that I was so far gone in a desperate haze as to be criminally insane would be beyond their comprehension...

So... today I remembered. Alone. I imagined and visualised how very different this day would have been. Alone. Today I cried desperately on the inside while I acknowledged the celebration I was not having. Alone.

Today my baby would have turned one year old xxx
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