Resource: Ways of Remembering and Healing

Help with physical and emotional healing for moms who have suffered loss.

Moderators: justme, ***, deb

Resource: Ways of Remembering and Healing

Postby justme » Oct 18, 2006 2:39 pm

Many of us have different ways of coping with our losses and remembering our angels. Please share on this thread things that have helped you - as it can help others.

I found these links about a memorial service for a loss

http://www.columbusmennonite.org/miscarriage.htm

http://beehive.thisiscornwall.co.uk/def ... geID=36994

Here is a list of poems about miscarriage

http://www.thelaboroflove.com/prose/miscarriage4.html

http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art45219.asp

A list of memorial sites

http://www.thelaboroflove.com/forum/loss/memorial.html

http://www.angelsinheaven.org/

http://www.bellaonline.com/subjects/6508.asp

A list of songs of grief and loss

http://www.thelaboroflove.com/forum/loss/songs.html

Memorial Items

http://www.empty-cradles.com/

http://www.labelledame.com/

http://www.abbeypress.com/product.asp_Q_pn_E_33541

Other ideas:
"Adopting" a child through World Vision or Compassion or another similar organization
Writing your family and friends a letter
Writing a letter to your health care provider
Making a donation to HER or another meaningful to you organization on important memory dates
Starting a local ministry/support group
Planting a memorial garden - either in your own home or somewhere more public
Knitting hats or donating other items to a local pregnancy center (Jenny does this)
Make a scrapbook or frame a scrapbook page of your u/s or other pictures
Celebrate National Loss Day during the month of October and help other grieving mommies and families

Also, be sure to PM Suzanne with your angels name and significant dates so they can be added to the memorial thread. We will love ang grieve your angel with you.

A Poem for our lost angels:

To our lost angels: I’ll think on you

Eternity is filled with broken dreams, promises unfulfilled
and angels dancing among the stars
while mothers arms are left empty
Names are spoken in silent tears and breathless prayers
from hearts left aching
Comfort comes in moments of heavenly grace
that remind us one day we will be
reunited in glory
In the moments in between
I’ll think on you
Last edited by justme on Dec 11, 2006 1:01 pm, edited 8 times in total.
justme
Forum Moderator
 
Posts: 4818
Joined: Apr 21, 2006 10:48 am

Postby tatteredtoo » Oct 18, 2006 3:01 pm

This was such a sweet idea. I especially loved "For Poppy" on the LaborOfLove poems list. To add to your own list, I'd suggest a shadow box to display on your wall in memory of your little ones, or they also have shadow box scrapbook pages that are an inch or so thick that can be used for saving things, too without limiting your book to pictures.

Thanks for posting this!
-Tina
tatteredtoo
HG Expert
 
Posts: 1815
Joined: Oct 11, 2006 1:16 pm
Location: Taylorsville, UT

Postby Ben's Mom » Oct 18, 2006 3:50 pm

I also have a necklace with my first baby's birthstone. I consider him (I'm sure he was a boy) to be my first child, and I will never forget him.
Image
Image

Image
Ben's Mom
Been There Done That
 
Posts: 258
Joined: Jul 05, 2006 11:45 pm
Location: Southern California

Postby IslandDreamer » Oct 18, 2006 10:56 pm

I'm so glad you did this. I know we spoke of it...I think it should be pinned.
IslandDreamer
HER Majesty
 
Posts: 9259
Joined: Jul 12, 2004 10:49 pm
Location: Texas

Postby justme » Nov 14, 2006 4:37 pm

For those who have terminated due to hg . . .

I am very sadenned for you by your stories, and want you to know that I understand and sympathize with the position you were in. When you don't know what is happening to you, when you receive inadequate medical care, and when you find yourself in the position where you are fearing for your life - those are teriffying places to be in. Your fear at the time and your continued fear at the trauma that you have been through and the decisions you felt you had to make given the information and care you had at the time - this is not what is supposed to happen to us, but it does.

At the beginning of this year I experiences a traumatic hg pregnancy, inadequate medical care and considered termination. Now, I am struggling with the loss of my baby, Casey Lee.

So I am still trying to find my way out of this hell and into the light, but here is what I have found to help myself so far.

Name, love, honor and cherish your baby. Despite what you make think about yourself and the decisions you may have made, you have a right to mourn this loss as it is your child. Have a memorial service to help recognize the passing of your baby and invite those that are important to you (your partners, your parents).

I am a Christian, and I believe that our babies are in heaven being cared for by God and other loved ones from our family's that have passed. God is taking care of your children and letting them know that they are loved and they are part of a family.

Find a way to remember your child - plant a garden, plant a tree, become a "godmother" or "aunt" to a child who needs a little extra love, care and attention. Do something to become a part of a positive, creative energy in the world and in your life to help negate the tragic sense of loss you rightly feel.

Get good, compassionate counseling. Someone who is nonjudgemental but not a part of your everyday life. Be sure to take with them information from this site about hg, its health affects and the stories of others that you can identify with so that your counselor has a better starting point.

Set mini-goals for yourself. Simple, easy goals like taking vitamins everyday (this will help with the physical effects of hg), eating a vegetable, taking a walk, etc.

See your general practioner as you may need to take anti-depressants for a period of time to help you. It is important to understand that your body suffered a lot phsycially and that included the loss of important vitamins and nutrients which can in fact cause depression. As you restore the health of your body, you may need medication for a short time period.

Learn to understand what you are thinking and feeling so that you can ask those around you for help in ways that they can understand. People usually care and want to help, but out of fear of making things worse for you they will do and say nothing becuase they simply don't know what to do or say.

Contact Suzanne and ask her to add your babies to the dates list and receive support fromt he support team. She also has some great resources listed that will help you.

Most importantly, understand this: You had a disease. A horrible disease that racked your body and your mind. It had tremendous impact on you and with your inadequate medical care, it left you in a position that few people can comprehend. Many of the women on this forum have been where you have been and have come to understand that this is a cruel disease which affects us both physically and mentally. While you were pregnant, you had a disease. This is not your fault, you are not to blame - you are to be cared for and helped and cherished as you struggle with the fact that you have had this disease and what it has done to your life. God bless you.

We are here for you. And you are in my prayers.

Karen

These articles can be helpful, but they are also emotional so read them only if you can and stop reading if you find you can't. They say miscarriage in the title but are appropriate for the loss, whatever the reason, of any wanted and loved baby I feel:
http://www.farfilm.com/peggy/articles/m ... rriage.htm

These resources can help our loved ones help us:
http://www.pregnancy.org/article.php?sid=574
http://www.justmommies.com/pregnancy/fr ... iage.shtml
justme
Forum Moderator
 
Posts: 4818
Joined: Apr 21, 2006 10:48 am

Postby IslandDreamer » Dec 05, 2006 9:01 pm

:hugs:
IslandDreamer
HER Majesty
 
Posts: 9259
Joined: Jul 12, 2004 10:49 pm
Location: Texas

Postby octobermomma » Dec 28, 2006 9:34 am

I just wanted to offer to anyone who would want one...I make memory envelopes if you have momentos of your precious lost angel that you would like to keep in a safe place. Let me know if you would like me to make one for you.

Also, if you don't have any momentos of your angel (like me) I can make you a handkerchief or angel if you would rather have that.

Or, you may choose both.

Just pm me if you are interested.

~Kelly
Last edited by octobermomma on Jun 26, 2007 2:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
octobermomma
Master of HG
 
Posts: 5989
Joined: Sep 15, 2006 11:06 am


Return to Loss, Grief & Recovery

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests